


Love, again!

by LadyBardock



Series: True Love [20]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Academy Awards, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Directing, Doris Lessing, Explicit Sexual Content, Film making, Filming, M/M, Oscars, Sex for Favors, Suspense, True Love, hidden affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-14 19:16:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7186766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBardock/pseuds/LadyBardock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili is probably one of the greatest actors and films directors of his time. Winning award after award he focused all his life on making films. Everything goes according to plan until the day a shy rising star steps up to one of the roles in his new film.</p><p>Kili needs this badly, the springboard to his career. But his bad reputation, people gossiping about him sleeping around, is standing in the way. When the person he admires the most makes a not so subtle proposition, his whole life changes forever...</p><p>Loosely inspired by Doris Lessing's writings. And she will be mentioned as an accomplished writer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“The whole production is on schedule.” Dwalin, Fili’s assistant began naming all the things done and when they would start filming. The man was huge and seemed unfit for the job he was doing, but Fili would never trust anyone else with his films, sets and production.

“What about the casting?” Fili asked.

“Gandalf got us the best of the best, known names and several rising stars.” Dwalin quickly pulled out the list. “The main female role is going to get your friend Tauriel, she somehow managed to persuade Gandalf.”

“She is very persuasive.” Fili mused thinking of his long time friend, who rebelled from her father just like he did. “Did we get Frodo Paladin?”

“Yes.” Dwalin checked on the list. “He somehow managed to persuade Azog Tulewarow to take the main role. And we got Boromir Stewart.”

“That’s good news!” Fili smiled with relief. “What about the supporting roles?”

“Faramir Stewart.” Dwalin smirked.

“So the old fox managed to get him away from Shakespeare and theatre? Or was it his older brother?” Fili mused.

“More like the financial need.” Dwalin mumbled. “Anyway we’re having a bit of trouble with the last role.”

“What about Hayden Christensen?” Fili asked.

“Unavailable.” Dwalin mumbled.

“Jake Lloyd?” Fili spat disappointed.

“Unavailable, but Gandalf said he’s working on it.” Dwalin explained.

“He’d better get us someone good enough, we’re beginning in three weeks!” Fili reminded him.

\------

Every film was a huge stress for Fili. He made no more than one a year or in two years, so when he did he made sure to give it his all. For Thorin his choice of career was something inexplicable. He always expected Fili to take over the family business, but even as a thirteen year old Fili knew what he wanted to do. The first role in ‘Treasure Island’ just strengthened his will.  Gandalf gave him the role as a coincidence, but as Fili got to the set and began acting it was evident he was born for it. He got his first Oscar at the age of sixteen, and his second at the age of twenty-one. But his real success was a few years later, when his dreams came true.

His uncle was really reluctant in giving him money for that first one, but soon saw a huge business in creating their own studio and giving Fili freedom. ‘Tales of Moria’ a strange drama, about a few miners trapped underground and the psychological changes happening to them was a hit. The film got four Oscars, for Best Original Song, Best Actor in a Leading Role, Film Editing and Best Director. Since that day Thorin never said anything about money again, or his disappointment. He supported him full on, with his whole fortune and power.

Fili’s second film ‘Bara’dur’ a historical film about the defence of a medieval castle, was seemingly lighter in topic, but the viewers while watching always realised at the end that their sympathies for Prince Sauron were misplaced, and that in fact they should have supported the attackers. It got eight nominations and won three Academy Awards, Fili getting Best Director the second time in a row.

Now his third film was not going as planned at all. They had problems with weather and the location. One of the four male roles was not cast yet, and Azog’s manager called in saying he will be delayed due to health reasons. After a huge headache Fili finally called his uncle to use his Island in Greece as the main location, later he arranged everything with Dwalin to get the filming started still worried about the cast.

But worst was about to come.

As soon as he arrived at his uncle posh villa in Greece Fili realised they had a few more problems to tackle.

“So tell me again who did you cast with the last role?” Fili spoke angrily.

“Kael Oakenshield.” Dwalin repeated. “You know the guy who played in 'High School Musical', the new horror film ‘Bewitched’ and ‘Damsel in distress’. He’s just finished filming a new TV series ’Poldark’ I think.”

Seeing his best friend and boss silent Dwalin quickly added. “The guy who played with Galadriel Undomiel in the short movie which got the Oscar last year, ‘The Virgin’.”

“Fucking great.” Fili wanted to pull his hair out. “What other shit is going to happen now?”

“Mr. Durin?” The short shy assistant Gandalf brought in was in the doorway.

“Yes?” Fili spoke in a deadly tone.

“Mr. Gray told me to inform you without delay...” The boy began but was shacking and obviously very nervous.

“But what?” Fili growled.

“Azog Tulewarow will not be able to arrive, his leg injury is more serious and he’s still in hospital awaiting his third operation.” The boy spoke quickly.

“Just fucking great...” Fili threw the glass and watched it shatter. “This film is going to be the death of me.”

\------

“Dear Boy there is only one way to deal with all this, you need to play the main male role.” Gandalf spoke with all his seriousness and eloquence.

“I’m too young, that’s why I wanted Azog!” Fili spat at him angrily walking around his room.

“Age does not matter much, the story is not about age, it’s about lust.” Gandalf pointed out. “With the right makeup you’ll make a great Henry.”

“So that was your plan all along...” Fili growled.

“You caught me.” Gandalf did not pretend. “You’re made for this role.”

“How the hell am I going to manage directing and acting at the same time?” Fili was pissed.

“Just like with everything you do in life, with pure perfection!” Gandalf laughed and hung up.

“Fucking great!” Fili growled and resisted the temptation to throw his phone. He was throwing far too many things in the last days.

\------

When he was alone he played ‘The Virgin’ again. He loved Galadriel, she used to be his teacher when he was younger and she even played his mother once. He knew the film well. It was less than thirty minutes long, a short story one that inspired him to pick Doris Lessing’s books for his new film. He loved the short film, there was something extremely alluring in it. The main character, Galadriel, is a strong woman just like in reality. She was ahead of her times, uncompromising and striving for success. Somewhere along the way she meets a young innocent boy and she seduces him with all her insistence, leading to her lover’s suicidal death.

Ever since Gandalf showed him the film for the first time, Fili heard he should get Kael to play in his films. In Gandalf’s opinion he was the most talented actor in his age. But Fili did not want to work with him. And the more he watched the film the more he did not want to work with him. There was only one place he wanted that young body, and definitely there was no way he could work with someone who had such a strong physical influence on him. ‘The Virgin’ was his porn movie, one that always made him so aroused he wanted to scream with frustration. He heard all the gossip about him. Working with someone who made his ways through the beds of others was out of the question.

\------

Kili felt exhilarated. This was his big chance, the one shot to push him into the big league. To forge his name. It was a supporting role but a big one, and he would work with some of the best actors and the best director in the world.

He couldn’t believe his luck when Gandalf called him. Him, a semi known actor without a real chance to go further without a push. Now his chance came, so without a doubt he cancelled a short TV series and packed his things. Nori, his manager, helped him get ready for the role, and the more Kili read the script the more he loved it.

“Hey, what time are you arriving?” Tauriel, his friend since High School Musical, called him thrilled they were working together again. She would be perfect as Laura, the undecided moody woman changing lovers time after time. Kili was a bit scared to work with Azog, the menacing Russian was known for disrespecting his colleagues.

“I’m flying in late in the evening.” Kili checked his schedule.

“So I’ll probably see you in the morning!” She laughed. “Get ready for hard work, Fillion is a slave driver!”

“You’ve worked with him?” Kili was stunned.

“I’ve known him most of my life stupid!” She laughed with all her charm. “We went to school together!”

Kili felt a wave of sorrow hit him again, but he tried to choke it down, just because others were born in a better world, it didn’t mean he couldn’t forge his path in life. A path without thinking of the past.

“That’s cool!” He admitted.

“I can’t wait to have sex with you!” She laughed. “You know we’re going to have to play as if we really are?”

Kili felt himself blush, Tauriel was a beautiful woman, not that women were his real interest.

“Too bad you swing more the male side...” She taunted. “Azog is a gorgeous piece of meat...”

\-----

When Kili arrived followed closely by Nori, he was stunned with the posh hotel on the Greek island.

“This place is beautiful!” He inhaled seeing the lobby.

“Wait till you see it in daylight!” Nori laughed and called the lobby boy to take the luggage. After checking in he handed Kili keys to his suite and he himself walked to the room he would share with his brother.

\------

The moment Kili walked into the posh dining room after the restless night, he immediately saw the characteristic long red hair and a huge smile.

“Kael!” She called to him and pointed to a chair next to her.

“Tauriel!” He hugged her with all the sincerity in the world.

“Sit down!” She pointed to the chair and pushed a menu into his hands. “You’re going to love what they do with eggs here.”

After they ordered she just smiled at him and took his hand reassuringly.

“I’m glad we’re working together again, at least the time off set is going to be fun.” She smiled.

“Have you met Fillion yet? Or the other actors?” She asked with a smile when their drinks arrived.

“Not yet.” Kili noticed nervously.

“Don’t worry, they are all nice!” She smiled gently. “I’m glad you got this chance.”

After a few minutes she waved her hand at someone, and before Kili could say anything he was staring into the bluest eyes in the world.

“Fillion this is Kael, Kael this is Fillion Durin.” She introduced them with a smile, but her smile died when she noticed the way Fili was gazing at Kili.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Sir.” Kael spoke in a shacking tone, she could feel his leg touching her shake violently with stress.

“Sit down, we’ve already ordered.” She told the silent director.

Kili felt those eyes rest on his for one more second and then the pressure was gone, Fillion was looking only at Tauriel.

“You’re grim as fuck, what’s going on?” She asked worried.

“There has been a last minute change of plans.” Fili told him grimly. “So I’m not in the mood for fun.”

“What happened?” She asked worried, and Kili was mentally getting ready for being kicked off the crew.

“Azog is not going to show.” Fillion grimaced.

“So who is going to play the main role?” Tauriel began panicking. Azog was the key cast.

“That’s the real problem.” Fili sipped on the coffee. “I am.”

“That’s actually great news!” Tauriel became radiant. “I’ve always wanted to play with you! I have no idea why you dropped acting completely, you could do both easily.”

Fillion did not look convinced and as the waiter took his order, Kili was relived the man did not look at him anymore.

“Come to think of it, that also means we’re going to act a sex scene...” Tauriel grimaced. “You’re too much like a brother to me...” She complained.

The words sank in slowly, Tauriel and Fillion in a sex scene together. The very idea made him hot and furious at the same time. He had always wanted to play with Fillion, ever since he saw him in the first movie. Watching ‘Treasure Island’ Kili decided to become an actor himself. Fillion’s posters were all over his bedroom walls in his foster home, and he watched every single movie with him. Suddenly he added two plus two. If Tauriel had a sex scene with Fillion, and Fillion was playing Azog’s role, so did he. As the very idea sank in Kili wanted to panic. Sex with Fillion. Playing along Fillion. Acting in Fillion’s newest movie. Sex with Fillion. The very idea so arousing and so thrilling, his whole body reacted.

“Rehearsals start in one hour, don’t be late!” Fillion scolded her.

“I’m always late!” Tauriel’s beautiful laugher could seduce anyone.

\-----

Rehearsal’s were hell for Kili. He was used to hard work, he was used to work harder that most actors, he just had to go forward. He just had to succeed. But here he was stumbling like a novice. Like he never learnt anything during his career, and like he was a beginner. But those deep blue eyes following him were making him stutter and forget all the lines. He could see Tauriel’s gentle eyes smile at him, whenever she could she held his hand, giving him safety and reassurance.

“This is fucking hopeless...” Fillion growled. “Dwalin, take Tauriel, Faramir and Boromir and practice scenes from 115 to 130, and later from 201 to 210.”

“Oakenshield come with me.” Fillion’s voice was grim an strong.

Kili looked down ashamed and obediently followed the director without a word.

\-----

Fili was furious, nothing was going right and this film was killing him. The arrival of the boy made it even worse. On the screen he was cute, but in reality he had even more charm. His eyes had wild sparks, some kind of primal energy in them. He was gorgeous, so fucking beautiful it was hilarious. Any man or woman would love to fuck him. But a beautiful body was not enough, he needed someone who could act. And every single second of the rehearsals he cursed Gandalf. The boy was nothing, only a beautiful body. He had problems focusing, he didn’t know the role and he seemed hopeless. If not for the few films he did act in, Fili would have doubted any sense in getting him ready for the role. He didn’t have time for schooling a greenhorn. He had no time, he had no one else either.

When the door closed to his suite he saw those eyes look down sadly. He seemed disappointed. The real person disappointed was Fili.

He gazed at the beautiful curly hair and slim body.

“I have no idea who you fucked to get this role, but obviously it was the wrong person if you want to keep it.” Fili growled the angry words before he could stop himself.

Those beautiful eyes gazed at him surprised, but Fili could not read him. Those black eyes were deep as a pit. He was beautiful. That was the only conscious thought in Fili’s head.

“So you better start working hard if you want to keep it.” Fili growled, not realising just how provocative and what kind of implication those words could carry.

Kili looked down to the floor his heart beating fast and furious. Those hated words and those hated implications. He heard the gossip. That he slept with Galadriel to get the role in’ The Virgin’, that he slept around with producers and directors. So that was all it always came down to. Sex. Sex with Fillion. He would have to have sex with Fillion anyway, it was in the script. The beautiful, thrilling and lust worthy Fillion. His idol, his biggest crush ever and the only person he ever admired. Feeling a bitter taste in his mouth he weighed his options swiftly, and it didn’t take long to realise he didn’t have a choice.

Fili blinked seeing what the boy did, in a swift move he landed on the floor. His eyes closed feeling gentle fingers trace his erection. This was not what he expected or planned. He wanted to push him to work harder, to try harder. He never slept with anyone he worked with. But as those beautiful lips traced his length nothing mattered anymore, but the divine feeling. He loved those curly locks as they moved with every move of his head. He loved the feeling of being taken and sucked with skill. For a moment a flash of anger filled him, he wished the boy did not have as much skills, that he would be more innocent. Such beauty should convey innocence. But there was nothing innocent when he took him deep throat, his hands caressing his shaft and balls. He wanted so much more from him, he wanted his beautiful body. And then he realised fate planned it out in such a way he would get his body anyway. The naturalistic beach scene would not leave much to imagination. In his mind he already saw their legs tangled on the sand. He already felt the heated kisses.

To Kili’s relief it did not take long. It made him feel so dirty and worthless. He did the one thing he always swore he would never do. He broke his rules for a role. The most important role in his career. And he prayed it would be worth it. The sight of the blond arching under his lips, the sheer volume of pleasure on his face made him forget for a moment why he was doing it. Why he did not slam the door and run as soon as the proposition was voiced. Why his own cock was throbbing demanding attention. He felt dirty, he felt used, he felt the taste of seed fill his mouth, and to his terror he loved every second of it.

Kili got up and tried to leave, ashamed with himself, not able to look into the eyes of the idol he used to admire so much.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” The strong voice stopped him before he reached the door.

A script was thrown at him. “We have work to do.” The blond did not let him leave.


	2. Chapter 2

Kili had never been so tired in his life, they practised the role in every aspect possible, scene by scene. He would get scolded time after time, pushed harder and harder. Forced to try harder and harder. Fillion ordered dinner to the room and they continued working till the dead of night. When they finished the script they would start over and over again.

The blond never seemed to be satisfied with what he was doing, and with every try Kili was becoming depressed. He felt so hopeless and so worthless. Unworthy to play the role he accidentally got.

“Scene 152.” The blond suddenly said.

“What?” Kili was stunned.

“It’s the living room scene. When Laura goes out to get something from the corner shop.” Fillion reminded him.

Kili immediately knew what scene it was. The first kiss scene. The main protagonist’s lover getting seduced by the young boy from next door.

“What do you want from me?” Kili asked shacking.

“Prove you can do this.” Fillion taunted. “Act the scene.”

Fili sat down comfortably on the sofa, he focused easily and got into the role of the dominant man. The experienced man, who tries to be in control of his lust.

The boy stood there stunned for a moment, composing himself. For a moment Fili thought he won’t do it. But then he raised his head. He could see the confidence, he could see the lust and flirtatiousness in those dark eyes. He seemed innocent and not innocent at the same time. Curious. It was easily to believe this was a fifteen or sixteen year old. His face smooth and beautiful. His long legs and beautiful body adding to the charm.

_‘I was wondering...’ He began the scene in a gently raspy voice._

_‘About what?’ Fili easily took the role._

_‘What it feels like when someone you love begins to love someone else...’ The boy walked slowly, his eyes speaking volumes. Showing so much emotion Fili immediately felt aroused._

_‘Every love has a beginning and end.’ He spoke coldly. ‘It’s just an enzyme in the brain. We may love many times in our lives...’_

_‘So love just ends like that? On day you wake up feeling nothing to someone you used to want?’ The boy mused, he was walking around the sofa gently tracing it with his fingers._

_‘Well not just like that. It’s more like you see someone more special than the person you thought special before.’ The man answered._

_‘And how do you know this person is special?’ The boy had a coy smile on his lips he was just a step away._

_‘Anything can count, the taste of their lips. The smell of their hair. The touch of their body against yours..._ ’ The man had a smile on his lips. Kili easily leaned closer and gently traced those lips with his own.

Normally that would be the moment the scene would be cut, but the second those lips touched his, Fili’s tired brain wanting nothing but to rest with him in his arms. He deepened the kiss and gently embraced the cutest boy in his life, for a moment forgetting who they were and where they were. It felt so good to have him in his lap. Those warm tender innocent lips. The gentle tongue tracing his lower lip asking for entrance.

He was too tired for patience. He wanted him so much. He gently lifted him, thinking of only one thing.

Kili did not protest when he was carried to bed. He was so tried and the gentle kisses were so soothing. It felt so good to be undressed and rested on the huge bed. Touching his body with tenderness and lust. Kili felt wanted, this was way more than the scene should be, but it felt right. Their bodies fit perfectly against each other. The lips tracing his body were so thrilling Kili had no control over his body.

Fili wanted him so badly. As layer by layer was dropped, he admired the beautiful skin. He traced the body with his lips, licking and tasting his skin. He was the most lust worthy person in the world. His body simply breathtaking and beautiful. Lustful. Demanding and in need. People could act and pretend many things. But a throbbing cock was proof. The raspy breath was proof. The shivers were proof. It felt so real, as Fili gently traced his entrance, moistening it with his own spit. He heard the breathe go even more ragged as he pushed in two fingers.

_‘You’re a creature of pleasure...’ Fili quoted the script once more._

_‘Pleasure is the only thing that matters...’ The boy rasped obediently following the script. Jumping to the scene Fili prompted._

_‘Tell me what you want...’ Fili kissed a trail down his neck._

_‘You...’ The boy replied._

_‘If you have to chose... who would you pick?’ Fili demanded keeping the role._

_‘You... I want only you!’ The boy begged in a shacking voice._

Fili pressed in gently. He was impatient and lustful but he wanted to make it special. To make their first time special. It felt so special.

“Harder!” The boy begged.

“Tell me, what do you want...” Fili rasped against his near.

“You...” Kili replied feeling he was losing himself in the pleasant feelings his whole body was experiencing. “I want you to fuck me...” He whimpered needing more.

Fili had no reservations anymore, he had no idea where all the energy came from, but claiming him seemed the most important thing in the world. Being in him seemed the most important thing in the whole world. He loved being in him. He loved holding him down under him, he loved tracing his beautiful long cock.

“Come for me...” He begged the boy as he was floating away. The muffled cries gently left the boy’s lips as Fili felt his seed stain his fingers.

“You’re such a good boy...” He rasped into his ear, as his last spasms were making him jerk inside him. Marking him. He held him tightly, but the sudden notion of never letting him go surprised him. He wasn’t on planning to keep a cheap whore. One movie, and that was it.

\-----

Kili woke up at first light feeling tender kisses and a gentle touch. His body was dirty and soiled, but he did not mind it much. Soon his body would be even more dirty, but he could only smile with thrill. His body was wet enough, and his cock was reacting. Kili loved the newly found feeling of sex beyond anything he thought possible. He yelped feeling a gentle nibbling on his collar bone, as those strong hands guided him to sit on him.

“I want to see you...” The raspy voice made him open his eyes and gaze into the never-ending blue sea.

Kili smiled feeling happy.

“You’re beautiful.” Fili rasped embracing him tenderly as the boy slid down his cock.

\-----

Filming went more smooth than Fili had anticipated. The cast was selected perfectly. Kael played better then he could have ever predicted while rehearsing. Scene by scene they were moving forward. For the last two weeks of filming Frodo Paladin flew in with his guardian to film the scenes, but the boy was a huge talent. With ease he stepped in and took the role of Laura’s son.

In a flash it was over. When the last take was done Fili felt adrenaline fill him. Now came his favourite part. Putting it all together to form his vision. He knew the material they had was superb, of the highest sort. He did not give them a moment of break, it was done, retaken and re-filmed as many times as needed. Now it was time for magic.

He walked down into the lobby just to see lobby boys carry out luggage and the crew run about. He saw him stand there and for a moment their eyes met. He saw huge happiness in those beautiful dark eyes, and a light appear as if he was worried they wouldn’t see each other before his flight. He wanted to walk down to him, to hold him one last time. To kiss him one last time. But he would never do that in public. He would never kiss him and hold him ever again.

He watched those eyes change. From huge happiness to realisation. He saw panic appear, a deep hurt. And tears. But before anyone could notice the true actor in the boy took over hiding all pain and hurt. Fili wanted to reach out to him, to hold him one last time. To have him one last time. But it was better this way.


	3. Chapter 3

Kili flew home feeling his life ended. He knew it was a mistake to break his rules, but every time he reached for him and held him, it felt so real and so right, he just had to be with him. He wanted to believe those kisses were real. He wanted to believe the blond felt something for him, as they spend every night with each other in his bed. As they made love until they dropped.

He kept gazing at his phone and waited. Only to realise he would never call. The blond never gave him his phone number, never told any private details, never giving him a chance. And now as Kili was replaying it all in his head, he felt used.

He should have known it was nothing but a transaction. A part in a great film. His chance. His career.

The problem was he lost his heart somewhere along the way, to a person who did not even bother to say goodbye.

He gazed around his tiny flat... he had a dream before. He dreamt of a nice house, he dreamt that when he would get his salary he would buy a nice house. Somewhere in the middle of filming his dreams shifted, to having warm arms around him. It wouldn’t matter where and when. The only thing he wanted was to be with him. He could live in deep woods, or in New York. As long as he had him. But in reality he had nothing left.

\------

Fili kept replaying the film, or at least some of its fragments. He kept gazing at his beautiful face trying to erase the sight of tears from his last. He couldn’t watch scenes when Kael and Tauriel were making love. It wasn’t real sex, but tender kisses and making out. Enough to reminded him that Kael slept with many people. That he wasn’t special in his life. Just one more co-actor and one more film director he fucked. But no matter how much he tried to convince himself, he still kept reaching out at night trying to find him. It would pass, it had to.

\------

It took Nori a long time to get Kili to pack and fly in for the Academy Award Ceremony. He didn’t want to go, but because he was nominated his agent didn’t want to hear it. Truth being Kili hadn’t even seen the film. He didn’t want to. It hurt too much so he skipped the première. He didn’t want to go there, knowing he’d be there. Proud, triumphant. Another masterpiece. His greatest masterpiece so far. Ten nominations, all in the most important categories. Best Actor in a Leading Role, Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress in a Leading Role, Best Actor in a Supporting Role, Best Adapted Writing. Kili was competing in the same category as Boromir, Faramir and Frodo, the quadruple Best Actor in a Supporting Role nomination shocking everyone. No matter how you looked at it, their film was the most important film of the year.

Kili was shacking as he was shown his seat, at the same table with Faramir, Boromir, Fillion, Tauriel and Frodo. He tried not to look at him, keeping his head down and clutching his shaking hands.

“Relax, no matter who wins it will all stay in the family.” Tauriel held his hand tightly.

Kili just held her hand even tighter.

“You were amazing.” Tauriel whispered to him reassuringly. “The best.”

Kili gazed at her, trying to hide all the pain he was feeling, but he saw concern in her eyes so he just looked down. Regretting he ever came there.

When the nominees were called out it was evident their film would get the most. They kept winning and winning.

“And for the Best Actor in a Supporting Role... Now I must admit the choice was limited!” The announcer joked. “Now this won’t be a surprise, ‘Love, Again’ and the award goes to ... Kael Oakenshield!”

Kili was stunned.

“Go and get it!” Tauriel poked him with her Award.

When he ran up the stage, Kili was speechless. Tauriel motioned the microphone.

Kili quickly ran up and rasped a nervous ‘Thank you’, and he quickly ran back clutching his award desperately.

“Congratulations!” Tauriel held him tightly. Kili gazed above her shoulder to the blond sitting there with three awards in his hands. Best Actor, Best Picture and Best Director.

“Our film was the best!” Frodo declared with a huge smile.

“It’s time to celebrate!” Boromir smiled.

The huge venue lasted a long time, but Kili did not hear the music or the conversations. The only thing he was focused on was not looking into deep blue eyes anymore. No crying. He couldn’t cry. He must not cry in front of him during the most important event ever.

“Are you okay?” Faramir sitting to his left asked gently.

“I think I’m ill...” Kili lied.

“I’ll give you a lift to your hotel.” Fillion surprised everyone speaking to him directly for the first time that night.

Kili just nodded and held his award tightly.

“Which hotel are you staying at?” Fili asked as they got into the car. The boy was shacking so badly that he was honestly worried.

“Redbury.” Kili mumbled.

“Gandalf always books it.” Fillion rasped. “We’re all staying there.”

Kili looked out of the window and did not answer.

Fillion parked his car and led him upstairs after getting their keys.

Kili wanted to go to his room and just forget about everything, but before he could say anything he was on the sofa in Fillion suite wrapped in a blanket.

“You look slimmer, are you preparing for a demanding role?” Fili could not hide the concern seeing Kael so slim and not eating during the ceremony.

Kili just shook his head.

“Are you ill?” Fili decided to drill, the deep worry in his heart driving him crazy.

Kili just shook his head.

With a deep sigh Fili poured him some water and gave him the glass. Desperate not to touch him. Desperate not to show just how much he was worried.

“Let me.” Fili reached for his award, and after a flash of black eyes he was given it.

“They look good together.” Fili placed the award next to the other four their film got.

Kili just shrugged, not really caring. He had no idea when tender lips kissed him again. He just closed his eyes and gave in. For a moment forgetting just how much time had passes and how bad it felt when the blond left him. He would leave him again. One last time, one last night.

Giving in was easy, the love and pain in his heart dictating submission. He dreamt about him, he needed him. They made out on the couch, but soon it wasn’t enough, they took off their clothes and made love right there.

Fili missed him, he missed him too much. He missed the touch, the kisses and love. He missed the warmth of the second person in bed. It felt so good to have him there again.

But when Fili woke up he was alone again. The bed cold and empty. If not for the fifth Oscar on the table it would have been as if he had never been there.

\------

‘Why don’t you just call him?’ Tauriel texted him.

‘Why should I?’ Fili texted back.

‘You’re a fool.’ Tauriel replied and he could hear her voice in his head, full of scowling.

\------

“Do you have a new project?” Gandalf sat down at his desk. “I’m getting too old for all this.”

Fili slowly passed a screenplay. The old man lifted it and with a smile mused. “Dancing Sparrows by Underhill? How the hell did you talk him into agreeing?” The old man wondered.

“Frodo convinced him.” Fili smiled.

“Did he really?” Gandalf put the scenario into his desk. “Any casting suggestions?”

“Portman. Galadriel maybe. Worthington.” Fili shrugged.

“Oakenshield as the son?” Gandalf mused for a moment.

“No.” Fili did not leave any deliberation there. “Get someone a bit older.”

“He could use the role, he has refused every role since ‘Love, again.’” Gandalf told him casually.

“Maybe he needed a break.” Fili pretended he did not care. But the extra Oscar bothered him a lot. The sight a pain. He couldn’t count the times he wanted to pick up his phone to ask Tauriel or Gandalf for his number. But he never did. It was a one-time thing.


	4. Chapter 4

Nori searched for Kili everywhere he could think of. But he was simply gone. He had no family and no place to go. The more Nori remembered about him the more worried he was.

“What do you mean he’s missing?” Gandalf asked with worry.

“He just left. He didn’t take any money or things. I called all his friends, not that he has many and I’ve even talked with his foster father...” Nori complained.

“That idiot, I hope he's somewhere safe...” Gandalf inhaled.

\------

‘Oscar winner is fading just four months after the awards! What pushed Oakenshield to such despair?’ The headline nearly knocked Fili out. He read the article just to learn that Kael was in fact fine, but the journalists focused on him growing overly slim. The rest was bullshit. About his countless lovers and affairs. About his past. About his mother, her prospect career and how she died. He read the theories about how he made a career sleeping around and saying that ‘Love, again’ was just a fluke. It wasn’t. Neither was ‘The Virgin’. Kael wasn’t a fluke. He needed motivation, he needed help, but he wasn’t a fluke.

\------

‘Oakenshield and Galadriel come back together!’ Fili gazed at the article with spite, it hurt so much to read that Kael was now living with her in her house in Beverly Hills. The photos of the woman holding his hand tightly were a pain.

\------

“You should come with me to Paris for filming ‘Dancing Sparrows’.” Galadriel told him firmly as they were sitting on the deck of her house, eating breakfast along with her family. Her husband and kids accepted him with open arms despite all the gossip and paparazzi.

“I’m going to be useless there.” Kael complained.

“Treat it as a holiday. I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Galadriel poked her beautiful long finger at him. “Once I go, you’ll stop eating and start sulking again.”

Kili just looked down sadly.

“I owe your mother.” Galadriel reminded him again. Dis Oakenshield was her best friend from Academy times, they played a few roles together, and she was a huge talent. Her death shook Galadriel a lot, so now watching over her son was a natural thing. “You have to face him one day, you can’t let this break you.”

“Fine, I’ll come...” Kili inhaled knowing the woman was stubborn as a mule.

\------

Fili tried to transfer his pain into the new film. The story a dramatic, poetic vision of people struggling with life. The moment he realised Underhill was in fact Frodo’s uncle he spent a lot of time with both. Only when he explained his visions the writer let him consider filming his book. He could already see it in his head. Part of the film was going to be black and white. He could already see it in his mind.

“Galadriel is going to arrive tomorrow afternoon.” Dwalin told him. “We’re on schedule so far.”

“Great.” Fili replied trying not to sound bitter. Somehow the idea of seeing Galadriel who... He tried to push his personal animosities far away.

\------

“Are we set?” Galadriel asked Gandalf with a grin.

“You know me...” The old man answered.

“If you fuck up I won’t work for you ever again!” She threatened.

“Check mate.” Gandalf told her and hung up.

\-----

“Kael!” A voice called out at the airport.

“Frodo?” Kili lifted the boy with ease as the child snuggled into his arms.

“Are you working on this film too?” The boy immediately asked.

“No, but I’m going to be around.” Kili assured him.

“That really is great.” Bilbo, Frodo’s uncle smiled at him. “We’re all staying at a beautiful mansion which belongs to Fillion’s uncle.”

“Come, we don’t want to be late for dinner!” Galadriel scolded all of them, still gazing at Kili’s slim frame with worry.

After packing their luggage into a few cabs, Galadriel pulled him into a cab saying she wanted to practise more.

“You know the script by heart...” Kili complained at her. She forced him to read the script time after time.

“I need to feel her better.” Galadriel said seriously and focused on reading, forcing Kili to read out the role of the son.

Kili stopped reading once they arrived in front of the old majestic house.

“Fillion’s uncle is one of the richest people in the world.” Galadriel suddenly told him.

Kili just pretended he didn’t care, but deep inside his pain was burning. Feeling hungry again, unloved, not wanted. A constant feeling in his life ever since his mother died.

“Keep your head high.” She told him firmly as they walked in.

Some servants showed them to a beautiful apartment, and Kili quickly began unpacking his things in the room he got. Trying to get ready for what would come. He could play the role of a toy boy. He could. He tried to focus.

When they sat down for dinner, Kael had a chance to meet Thorin the owner of the house. The grim silent man seemed even more menacing than Azog Tulewarow. But somehow, once he glanced at Galadriel with a gentle smile, all the man’s attention was focused on Bilbo. Kael for a moment wondered what it would be like to be raised in a house like that. Beautiful, elegant and rich.

Fili walking in could not predict that Galadriel would drag him with her. But the sight of him just sitting there next to her drove him insane with pain. He was still overly slim, but looked better than in the last newspaper photos. Fili would never admit to it, but he followed the headlines in the last weeks trying to find anything to ease his pain.

He sat down in his usual spot between his uncle and Kael.

“It’s nice to see you all here!” He greeted everyone around the table. Looking at everyone but the person sitting next to him.

Galadriel with ease took over the conversation, but Fili quickly noticed she was pushing food onto Kael’s plate and with insistence nudging him to eat.

They sat all dinner next to each other, but they did not exchange even one word. Fili did not care at all, but the moment he saw his uncle’s lustful glare follow the boy, he felt furious. He wanted him so badly. He wanted to feel his body again, to take him again, to make love to him again. And his uncle’s attraction might prove a real obstacle.

He left the dining room to do the one thing he rarely did. To smoke.

When he finally came back into the house, he stopped seeing Thorin talk with the boy. A seductive smile glued to his face and sparks in those deep blue eyes. The boy was tense and looking down. Shy. Fili wondered how much it was an act. He often wondered how much of everything was an act.

Kili had no idea why this rich and all powerful man was hitting on him. He could feel he was interested more in Bilbo than in him, the verbal challenges and witty conversations proving there was a lot between them. But now he felt cornered, even more so when he noticed Fillion pass them without even sparing him a glance. Despite all his control he felt tears come up to his eyes.

“Don’t cry over him.” The man gently told him wiping his tears. “He’ll only break your heart.”

“He already has...” Kili broke down and began crying like crazy. Before he knew it he was in strong male arms holding him tightly. Pressed into a strong muscular chest. It felt so nice, and so warm. Not lustful at all, more like a father holding him. A father he never had.

“Give him time.” Thorin gently tried to ease his pain. “He’s foolhardy, blind and stubborn. You’re going to have to have a lot of patience with him.”

Kili sobbed. “He doesn’t want me...”

“Oh believe me... he does.” Thorin gently whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

Fili couldn’t sleep all night wondering in whose bed Kael slept the night. In Galadriel’s or Thorin’s. The pain hurting so badly that he just wanted to die. He tried to call himself a fool, but deep down he kept wondering... maybe if he had given him enough sex, then maybe he could have kept him for a while. That if he really tried he could keep him at least for a while. Now everything was lost.

After two coffees and a painkiller for the headache Fili got the worst news of the day. Sam Worthington cancelled. The main male role was left vacant with no one on set able to step in. This time he did not save the phone as he slammed it against the wall, the pieces of the device laying all over the floor.

“Every problem has a solution.” Bilbo calmly told him. “Just focus and step back a bit.” Frodo’s guardian left him alone giving him time to think.

“I bet you haven’t eaten anything.” Galadriel showed up after some time with a plate with two croissants. Fili did not even look up to her, in fear he would show her his anger. His anger for having Kael now.

“We need to start filming tomorrow.” The older woman calmly told him.

“We can’t start filming without the main actor.” Fili grimaced.

“Give Kael the role, he knows it well.” Galadriel prompted.

Fili clenched his fists. “He played your lover before, he can’t play your son now.” He pointed out.

“Great publicity.” Galadriel just winked at him. “You won’t find anyone else in time.” She put the plate down and left his room.

\------

Fili knew she was right. Kael was there. He was really talented and skilled. But Fili simply did not want him to play the role. The rage he felt towards him was beyond anything he ever felt. He was insanely jealous, irritated and furious at the same time.

Seeing him exit his uncle’s room was even worse.

Kili spent the evening with Thorin and Bilbo, surprised to hear that they actually met before, and were in some kind of strange open relationship.

“It’s more like I chose to come and go whenever I wish.” Bilbo joked.

“You were worried, weren’t you?” Thorin taunted his lover.

“Having someone so beautiful in your presence, much younger and so talented? Anyone would be worried...” Bilbo admitted.

Kili looked puzzled from one to the other.

“Damn this boy is so innocent!” Thorin laughed.

“Innocent and not so innocent at the same time.” Bilbo mused feeling his lover’s arms go around him.

Kili chose that very moment to evacuate, just to be met with furious deep blue eyes.

“You little slut...” The blond mumbled and slammed his hand against the wall.

Kili stared at him with wise terrified eyes.

“Galadriel? My uncle? How many more have used you since we met?” Fillion was grim.

Kili just stared speechless, before he could even react he was grabbed and pushed into a room at the end of the corridor.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll forget about all of them...” Fillion taunted ripping off his clothes.

“Since you need sex so badly, I’m going to fuck you day and night. Anytime I get the chance to lay my hands on you... I’m going to fuck you until you won’t be able to walk...” He rasped biting his neck and brushing his hands against the tender skin with force. “Until you forget that anyone else exists...” He slammed his back against the door and traced his entrance with his fingers.

Fili for a moment felt puzzled. His entrance was dry and rigid. Unused. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t suck someone off. But his lips tasted of pancakes and strawberries.

He fucked him right there, against the door, strongly and with all his burning passion. He wanted him more than anyone else ever.

The boy did not protest at all, only moans leaving his lips. Deep gasps of pleasure.

“Move your things to my room.” Fili ordered kissing him yet again.

\------

Kili felt his life went crazy. He was fucked all the time, strong hands roaming his body without pause. Any moment possible he was pushed anywhere private and claimed yet again, with a deep frenzy and craze. The million kisses, the warm nights full of love.

Filming with Fillion was difficult, huge demands placed on him. Practising all evenings, trying scenes time after time. But he’d do anything for him. So he focused on the role more than ever. When he did something right, he was rewarded with the longest and more thrilling sessions of tender love. When he did something mediocre Fillion would punish him with rough and demanding intercourses. Kili loved both.

When the film crew moved to Germany for the second part of the filming, Fillion did not let him out of his sight even for a moment. It was as if he was obsessed. And Kili loved it. He felt that maybe this time it would be enough for Fillion to want to keep him.

But when the three weeks in Germany ended, Fillion without a word saw him off at the airport for his flight back to the US.

Kili found himself back in his tiny flat. Sitting and watching the walls. Puzzled why he was alone again.

He gazed around critically.

“To hell with all this.” He decided and began searching for a home for himself.

\------

Seeing him off was the worst thing in his life. Even more difficult than the first time. But Fili just had to do it. Being next to him meant losing his integrity. He had problems separating himself from him. It was as if he was more important than anything. And that scared Fili more than anything. Being addicted to a person who slept with so many. A person easily manipulated with sex, sex being the one thing really connecting them. He had to let him go. Their lives were not meant to be together.

He regretted it deeply, but soon the film kept his focus more. He had to finish it. Trying to ignore the nights full of coldness and tears.

\------

This time Kili decided not to go to the Academy Awards, and he wasn’t surprised when his win for Best Actor in a Leading Role was received by Fillion. He just gazed at the headline and walked on. His life was as far away from Hollywood as possible. He did not care nor mind that the love of his life now collected his second Oscar. He did not care anymore.

‘Will you take a new role?’ Nori e-mailed him, the only form of contact he left for his friends.

‘Only in Fillion’s films.’ Kili replied.

He made himself a new life here back in the woodlands of Idaho. Back to the place where he was fostered by a man called Beorn.

Kili had little love and appreciation for the strong man in his youth. Beorn wasn’t warm and caring, but he gave him stability. A place to live in safety. Skills and security.

Police Dog Trainer, Police Officer and social worker, Beorn was still doing the same. Helping kids. Taking care of dogs.

Kili found himself back on the doorstep of his house, having no other place to go.

Now he had a home again. His own home. The money he made gave him enough to buy a house nearby. Having nothing better to do, he taught the kids how to play the guitar. He helped and soon he found a new reason to live.


	6. Chapter 6

The second extra Oscar on his shelf hurt. Every time Fili gazed at it he felt empty. He had spent a long time trying to find a good scenario, but nothing felt right. He missed him so terribly. He began dating, going out, sleeping around. But no woman or man could compare. He wanted only him. He loved him.

After a long time, many conversations with Bilbo and Thorin, countless conference calls with Gandalf, Fili finally selected a scenario.

“Any cast requirements?” Gandalf asked as the new scenario of the historical horror was placed on his desk.

“Oakenshield.” Fili hissed.

He hated the all knowing smile that appeared on the old man’s face.

\------

The last thing Kili needed was the scenario to pop in his inbox. He was busy and he was dealing with so much stuff that filming now was the worst timing possible.

‘Can I have eggs for breakfast?’ Merry signed to him as he was checking his e-mail.

“Of course you can.” Kili told him with a smile pushing his laptop away. “Boiled or scrambled?”

‘Scrambled.’ The boy replied.

“I think it’s time to teach you how to make them.” Kili guided him into the kitchen.

Kili loved watching Merry learn new things. When Beorn dropped the boy on his doorstep saying he was the only one who knew sign language and could take care of him, Kili was dead terrified. But Merry turned out great, he was smart and nice. He loved reading books and watching films. The nights were worse, the boy often had nightmares and was scared to sleep alone. He wasn’t born mute, the disappearance of speech was a result of severe trauma. He witnessed the death of his parents in a gruesome car accident and hadn’t been the same ever since. Despite four years under good psychological care the boy did not regain his speech, and being sent from foster home to foster home did not help either.

Having someone to take care of pushed Kili’s love problems aside. He had a reason to live now, and the reason had golden eyes, curly blond hair and a huge happy smile. Fillion the love of his life was far away, and Merry was right here and he needed him.

‘So did you get bad news?’ The boy asked in middle of mixing the eggs under his instruction.

“Not exactly bad. I got a new scenario.” Kili told him honestly.

‘Are you going away?’ Merry asked sadly.

“I’m not sure yet.” Kili told him. “I haven’t read the scenario yet. But don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you here alone.”

‘Do you think I could come with you? I’d love to see how films are made!’ The boy quickly asked.

‘I’ll ask my manager to arrange it.’ Kili signed back with a smile.

‘Why don’t you have your Oscar here? Can I see it?’ The boy demanded.

‘I got it, but I don’t have it with me.’ Kili answered.

‘Where is it?’ Merry seemed shocked.

‘Where they belong.’ Kili cut the topic.

‘Will you take me with you?’ Merry asked slowly.

“I want to.” Kili brushed his curly locks.

\------

Fili couldn’t wait to see him. Not hearing anything about him for over a year. Not seeing him at the ceremony. The silence in the media about him. Everything was driving him crazy.

He couldn’t have predicted what he saw when Kael did walk into the hotel. A small boy clinging to him and following his every footstep. He watched them walk up the stairs in silence, not even gazing in his direction.

\-----

“Kee!” A loud voice sounded as little Frodo rushed towards him.

“Don’t tell me you’re playing in the movie?” Kili laughed.

“Just a supporting role.” Frodo confessed. “Hi, my name is Frodo.”

“Frodo this is Merry.” Kili introduced them.

Merry signed ‘Hi’ quickly.

“Merry cannot speak, but he does hear. I hope you two will be best friends.” Kili pushed the blond at Frodo.

“I’d like to have a real friend.” The lonely super star child nodded eagerly.

“Would you like to see my room? I brought lots of books!” Frodo asked the boy quickly. Merry nodded without hesitation.

“What a surprise!” Bilbo hugged Kili tightly. “Did you adopt the boy?”

“I’m his foster family.” Kili nodded.

“So that’s why you were so busy the last months. I’m really glad to see you again!” Bilbo smiled. “Let’s drink some tea!” He pulled him into one of the rooms.

\------

Fili met the tiny boy at dinner, somehow the boy was sitting right between Frodo and Kael. He was totally in shock when he noticed the boy sign to Kael and Kael translate to Frodo.

Alessa Morano, his new main actress was sitting right next to him and trying to catch his attention. She was a new rising star and her last three films were pretty successful. Enough to consider her for the role. But now as she was sitting next to him, there was no doubt she wasn’t planning on only playing in the film.

Fili noticed Kael gaze at him once, when Alessa’s loud laughter was more than acceptable at dinner, but instead of anything he wanted to see, he saw coldness. For a moment he felt rejected. Bilbo, Frodo, that boy and Kael were enjoying themselves, and he was stuck between the other actors and pushed away.

“Time for bed little ones!” Bilbo announced to the boys.

‘Can I go to Frodo’s room and see his books?’ Merry begged Kili with puppy eyes.

‘To read books?’ Kili signed.

The boy nodded eagerly.

‘Only if you promise to actually go to sleep.’ Kili smiled and brushed his hair, he reached his hand and the boy with trust took it.

“Will you teach me sign language?” Frodo asked Kili as they were walking up the stairs.

“Of course I will!” Kili smiled, forgetting all about his past lover sitting in the dining room with the biggest bitch of the year.

\-----

Fili was frustrated. He tried to seek him out, but either the boy was always with him, or other actors were rehearsing with him. Alessa was even worse. She was trailing him, trying to get his favours. She was semi practising, and no matter how much he scolded her she did not prepare to his standards.

When he found her in his bed naked, that blew it. He blew a fuse.

"Either you cut the crap, get your shit together, or you're on the next fight home! I've had enough of this bullshit! I have a film to make, and no matter what you may think you're not as beautiful as you think you are!" Fili yelled at her, pushing her out of his room despite her naked state.

"Tomorrow is your last chance!" He opened the door and pushed her out of the corridor, just to meet two furious black eyes.

"To hell with all of you and this fucking film!" Fili growled and slammed the door to his room.

"What are you staring at?" Alessa growled at Kili, as she had to pass him naked.

"A cheap whore." Kili did not leave her in doubt, as he closed his own bedroom door.

He had no idea what she was doing in Fillion's bedroom so late, and he tried not to care. The only thing soothing him was the fact that he did in fact kick her out.

"Here you are." He gave Merry a glass of water.

'Thank you.' The boy signed.

"Try to sleep, in two days we're going to move to our trailer." Kili reminded him.

'Can we share a trailer with Bilbo and Frodo?' Merry immediately asked.

'We got out own, but we can make sure to be neighbours.' Kili signed back.

'This is the best adventure ever!' Merry told him before falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The second part of the filming was far away from civilization, they had to move to the trailer. Merry and Frodo decided to ride in the car together, all the way Frodo was practicing sign language.

"I was wondering..." Bilbo approached him shyly after they arrived on location.

"Yes?" Kili asked.

"Could you take Frodo for a few nights? They boys would be delighted for a sleepover, and Thorin might get a few days off to visit us." Bilbo admitted with a blush.

"That would actually be great!" Kili eased him. "Merry has become very fond of Frodo."

"He's a great young boy." Bilbo admitted. "How did he end up with you?"

Kili slowly told him the story as Merry's parents died. How he was juggled from foster home to foster home due to him being mute.

"Life is so hard sometimes..." Bilbo inhaled.

"It is." Kili nodded.

"Are you planning to keep him?" Bilbo asked.

"I'm not sure if I can. This is just temporary." Kili was sad.

Bilbo looked him deep into the eyes, and grimaced.

\-----

'Can I invite Frodo and his uncle to visit us?' Merry asked sadly.

"Of course you can! I like them both a lot." Kili admitted. "Why do you seem worried?"

'I'm sorry I'm a burden.' Merry began crying without an apparent reason.

"You're not a burden!" Kili insisted.

'I heard you tell Bilbo that you can't keep me...' The boy cried on end.

"I'm sorry you heard that and that it hurt you." Kili gently embraced him. "I want you to have a good home, with a family. I'm single, and I'll always be single. Even if I met all the other qualifications, the main thing they seek is full families." Kili explained.

'I don't want to live with anyone but you.' The boy confessed devastated.

"Frodo is going to spend a few nights with us." Kili informed him.

'Is he?' Merry immediately stopped crying.

"You like him a lot, don't you?" Kili gently brushed his curly hair.

Merry simply nodded.

\-----

Fili had spent too much time rehearsing and scolding Alessa but at least it seemed she stopped trying to flirt with him.

He kept gazing at the happy group around the two boys and he desperately wanted to be with them. Play with them. The two kids bringing a lot of joy in the crew. The blond boy despite being mute was a very expressive child, and even without words he could convey a lot of emotion in his eyes.

"You need something from me?" Bilbo asked him as they arrived at the location.

"Ask Kael if he'd like that boy to appear in the film." Fili growled.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Bilbo grimaced and left him there along and furious. Bilbo had a vague idea of what was between them, and why Fili rejected the boy, and he wasn't going to make it easy for him.

\-----

Fili battled with himself for three days before he finally called Kael to his camper posing the need to practice the role. Truth being Kael was better prepared than ever, easily feeling the role and character. Looking at him in a eighteen century costume, you had a feeling he belonged to the woods. His long hair, his tanned skin. He seemed a real redneck.

"If you want to practice, let's practice." Kael growled stepping in the camper.

Fili passed him a script. "Scene 74. Show me how you're planning to do the mountain scene when he realized his family died."

Kili just blinked, that was the most difficult scene. He closed his eyes and ventured back to the times when his mother died and he was placed in foster care for the first time.

He gazed at the distance not seeing the camper anymore. He was on a woody hillside near his new home.

 _'Dear Lord, why have you left me?'_ He whispered seeing the graves in the distance next to the barren house. _'I asked you for only one thing in the world! Why did you abandon them?'_

Kili felt the tears fall down his cheeks, his chest in real pain. Losing his mother.

Fili stood there stunned. The tears were real. All the emotion on his face was real. It was real pain. Kael was perfect. He was the best. Fili felt his chest clutch with pain.

Before he knew it he began kissing the tears off. Tenderly holding him and trying to ease the pain. Five weeks of seeing him every day and not being able to come close. Over a year without the taste of his lips. A year without the love of his life.

The bed was near, and it didn't take long to take off most of their clothes, both were desperate to feel each other.

As Kael was sitting on his hips half naked and kissing him, Fili heard the door to the trailer open.

He ripped his eyes away from Kael and glanced at Alessa standing there half naked in some kind of fancy robe.

Kael's eyes ventured towards the girl, and Fili immediately saw the pain in his eyes. Before Fili could tell him anything, the boy got off him, grabbed his t-shirt and ran out.

"Get the fuck out!" He growled at Alessa, he pulled on his shirt and had to get some fresh air.

For a moment he had the impulse to follow him, but the anger in him was too strong. If not for the fact that they only had ten more days of filming he would have kicked Alessa from the crew. Kael was so much more important.

\------

He walked up to Kael's trailer just to hear him read a book. Gazing in he saw both boys in bed, and Kael was sitting next to them reading a book. He loved the sound of his deep voice, he stood there a longer while just listening in.

Soon the reading stopped and the lights were off.

He was startled by the door opening.

"What do you want?" A frantic whisper made Fili felt guilty for snooping.

"Can we talk?" Fili whispered back.

"Talk or fuck?" Kael replied.

"Talk." Fili insisted, to his surprise Kael pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit one. He began walking into the distance and Fili obediently followed.

They reached the now deserted set, and Kael continued walking, he stopped on a nice meadow behind the makeshift village.

Fili sat down next to him and reached for the cigarette.

"You wanted to talk, so talk." Kael growled. He passed Fillion his own, and he pulled out a new one.

"Would you like the boy to take part in the film?" Fili asked.

"He can't talk." Kili reminded him brutally.

"He wouldn't have to. I was thinking of making him run behind the wagon in the last scene trying to jump on." Fili explained. "And a few village scenes."

"I'll ask him." Kili hissed. "Anything else?"

"I'm sorry for Alessa, there is nothing between us." Fili confessed.

"I don't care. It's not like there is anything between us either." Kili grimaced, happy the darkness was shielding his face from the keen blue eyes.

"I'm sorry." Fili inhaled trying to convey his pain. "I'm sad things went that way."

"It was your choice not mine." Kili reminded him.

"I'd like to make it up to you... I missed you..." Fili told him gently.

"I wonder, did you miss me when you were fucking Dakota Fanning, Nicholas Hoult or perhaps when you were fucking Mila Kunis?" Kili asked grimly.

Fili went silent knowing all the accusations were true.

“I’m sorry...” Fili tried to tell him gently.

“You can fuck off with your I’m sorry...” Kili growled and left him there.

\------

Fili came back to his trailer only to see it occupied.

“What the fuck?” Fili growled at his uncle.

“Bilbo kicked me out.” Thorin growled. “What’s with that girl? She peaked in here like three times.”

“She’s irritating me as fuck.” Fili growled.

“You look like you haven’t got laid.” Thorin joked passing him a beer.

“Neither have you. I thought you and Bilbo... well it was an established thing.” Fili sat down with pain.

“I assumed so too.” Thorin hissed angrily.

“What the fuck happened?” Fili asked.

“Well I assumed this was like an open thing...” Thorin grimaced. “I was on a date some time ago, and well nothing really happened but it came back to bite me in the ass.”

He sipped on the beer. “I came here hoping for some nice time with the only man I love... only to hear he’s unhappy with our relationship.”

“He broke up with you?” Fili was shocked.

“I have no fucking idea what happened.” Thorin had his head in his hands.

“Welcome to the club.” Fili drank his beer in one go.

“You screwed up on your own wish!” Thorin told him. “That boy has the greatest ass, cutest face and more love for you than anyone else in the world.”

“Bullshit! The last part at least...” Fili growled.

“He loves you. You pushed him away. Let me make an intelligent guess...” Thorin paused dramatically. “You don’t even know where he lives... you don’t ever have his phone number or any form of contact... You fucked him, and you left him.”

Fili looked down depressed. “I’m a fucking idiot, aren’t I?”

“A fucking huge imbecile... What cursed you to think you can just forget the person you love?” Thorin told him bitterly. “You should have never let him out of your sight, made love to him until you either wanted to live your whole life with him, or until you stopped loving him...”

“So have you stopped loving Bilbo?” Fili asked taking another beer.

“Never. I’m doomed for life.” Thorin drank the beer quickly.

“Than what the fuck are you doing here?” Fili asked.

“Now that’s an intelligent question... Get me another beer...” Thorin hissed.


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of the filming was grim. Fili had a huge hangover, Bilbo gave Thorin absolutely no chance. He ignored him, only the tiny Frodo kept gazing at the strong man with longing.

Kili focused everything on the role, and keeping sane in the insane environment. Alessa was trying to blackmail him, but Kili just hissed at her that everyone always knew he liked sex, so what was new about him sleeping with Fillion.

“Can we really come and visit you?” Frodo ambushed him as they were finishing the film.

“You’re very welcome! The house might not be a palace, but it’s bit enough!” Kili lifted him and laughed.

“We would really appreciate it... and a bit of friendly care.” Bilbo admitted with tears. Kili was his huge support in those dreadful time.

‘I’ll show you our garden, the hills! We’ll go to Beorn’s and play with the dogs!’ Merry signed and Kili helped them to understand.

“That sounds like so much fun!” Frodo jumped with joy.

\-----

“Can we talk?” Fili asked Kael gently, finally getting him alone.

“Talk.” Kael just stopped there.

“Is there anything I can do to make it all up to you?” Fili begged.

“Fuck me.” Kili told him slowly.

“What?” Fili was too shocked to comprehend.

“Fuck me right here and now.” Kili looked him straight in the eyes.

Fili closed his eyes for a second, he gazed around the dark camping site.

“Here?” Fili’s voice was raspy. The very idea of sex in a place so public was absolutely crazy.

“Right here where everyone can see us...” Kili demanded. When Fillion forced him to turn around and tugged on his clothes, he felt thrilled beyond reason. It had been too long. And he needed to feel him so much. Firm fingers making him ready, the strength of the body on his back as he was pushed into the walls of a random technical truck. He dreamt of it so much. Those months without him, the huge longing. Endless sleepless cold nights.

“More...” He whispered.

“You’re crazy...” Fillion whispered hastily feeling that this crazy stunt was driving him crazy. As the aftershocks of the rapid intercourse were dying out, Fili rested his head in Kael’s hair.

“Thank you...” Kael smiled and corrected his clothes.

“Can you give me your phone number?” Fili begged.

“What for?” Kael just shrugged. “If you want me to act in your next movie just contact my agent.” He walked away not even looking back.

\-----

Kili was determined to have it his way, on his terms. He had enough of waiting for breadcrumbs. He needed closeness and sex, and he was going to get it. He had just three more days in the wilds and again four back at the hotel. Bilbo agreed to keep both eyes on Merry, and the blond boy trusted him.

Kili walked into Fillion’s trailer as if he owned the place. Alessa was sitting on the chair and reading her last scenes.

“Get the fuck out.” He told Alessa in a low deep voice.

Without a word of warning he sat in Fillion’s lap and kissed him. Just as he predicted Fillion immediately gave in, the kiss deep and sensual. As Kili began tugging on his shirt, he finally heard the door close as Alessa left.

“She’s going to gossip about this...” Fillion grimaced.

“Nothing can tatter my reputation more.” Kili laughed and continued assaulting him physically, humping against him.

“You’re insatiate...” Fili smiled at the fiery brunet.

“You have no idea...” Kili kissed him even deeper just to leave his lap and land on the floor.

“You’re a wild little thing...” Fili exhaled as those lips took him in and sucked gently.

Fili was in awe, Kael had always shown a great sexual temperament, but he always felt there was much more to him. That Kael was shy in sex in many ways. Now it was as if all his barriers were down. This was the real Kael, wild and insatiate. A god of sex. So alluring and beautiful Fili found himself falling even harder for him. He wanted him more and more, and as Kael finally took him in, as he let him claim him, Fili was hit with the notion of love even stronger.

As Kael was relaxing in his bed, soiled, naked and beautiful, Fili gently played with his long hair.

“Stay the whole night...” He begged.

“Nah...” Kael told him calmly. “I need to get some sleep.”

“Stay...” Fili begged kissing his neck.

Kael gently traced his back, he was hesitating. On one hand he didn’t dream of anything else, but he was scared. _‘The more they have to chase, the more they are attracted.’_ Bilbo’s wise words rang in his head. _‘Give him a taste, and make sure you decide how much you give.’_ He loved Fillion, but he knew that Fillion had little love or appreciation for him.

Kili slowly put his clothes back on. “Goodnight...” He kissed him tenderly and despite the longing in those blue eyes he left swiftly.

\------

He gave him one full night back in the hotel. A night full of daring unlimited love. A night full of tender kisses and bites. Kili showing his wild side again, demanding sex the way he wanted. Dominating, taking and fucking. Fillion was a bit shocked, but he dared not protest. He would do anything Kael asked from him. He wanted him in any way possible. Nothing mattered but touching him, but kissing him.

As those long legs and arms were around him, he felt so happy to have him there.

“I’d like you to stay with me.” Fili told him.

“As your whore?” Kael’s voice was grim. “No, thank you.”

“As my boyfriend...” Fili told him.

“Your boyfriend?” Kili laughed at that. “To what end? A few weeks till you tire of me again? A few dates till you change me for a cunt?”

Fili went silent hearing that.

“Sorry, but I’m not interested in any obligations especially those towards you.” Kili told him firmly. “Sex is fun, but that’s all that will ever be between us.”

Fili wanted to tell him just how much he loved him, how much he wanted him, but those angry words shocked him.

“If you want to work with me, you can contact my agent. Otherwise we’re just casual fuck buddies for all I’m concerned.” Kael told him. “Now do you want some sex in the shower, or should I return to my room now?”

Fili hesitated only for a second, but the beautiful ass and body, the idea of having him one last time was the only thing on his mind. Without a doubt he followed him into the bathroom.

\-----

When Kili and Merry came back to the farm, it felt good. Everything was just as it should be.

‘It’s too quiet.’ Merry told him.

“Not for long!” Kili reminded him. “We need to make the two bedrooms ready.”

‘Today?’ Merry demanded.

“We have nearly two weeks!” Kili laughed. “Let’s unpack and rest.”

\------

Thorin replayed the conversation with Bilbo a million times, but when he got the news that Bilbo had in fact move out from his New York house. He came home from the new film set and packed. Got into his car and left without any note or information. He just packed and left, leaving Thorin to the greatest despair in his life.

He wasn’t all surprised to see Fili on his doorstep with circles under his eyes and a bad breath.

“You look like shit.” Thorin growled.

“So do you.” Fili walked in and went to his old room.

‘Gandalf find him.’ Thorin texted his old friend.

‘Who?’ Gandalf replied.

‘Bilbo.’ Thorin replied.

‘That might be difficult.’ Gandalf replied.

‘Just do it!’ Thorin responded.


	9. Chapter 9

Bilbo loved it at Kili’s house, but what he loved most was the warm welcome they got. Kili did not ask too many question, gave them comfortable rooms, and did not question the huge amount of things now stored in his basement. Frodo was delighted with this holiday, not really realising they permanently moved out of Thorin’s home.

“So what happened?” Kili asked in a few days later as both boys were running around happily in the huge garden.

“I have to make a difficult choice, a few choices in fact...” Bilbo tried to name what he felt. “And my time has run out and I have no choice anymore.”

“What about Thorin?” Kili asked.

“He wants to have fun. He wants to go on dates, swing both ways...” Bilbo grimaced. “Life is not only fun and games and freedom. Keeping me and dating others.”

“That’s just so sad...” Kili told him slowly.

“I love him, I truly do.” Bilbo inhaled. “But my life has focused too much around him, when he wants me or when he does not. I became comfortable, having many address to chose from...”

“So what are you planning now?” Kili asked him gently.

“I’m not sure. I need to give my family the decision really soon.” Bilbo hid his face in his hands. “And I’m scared of the responsibility. I’m all alone.” Bilbo began crying.

Kili gently embraced him and pulled him closer. “What decision?”

“My cousin is in critical state. He and his wife had a terrible accident... They had four kids...” Bilbo sobbed.

“That’s horrible, where are the kids now?” Kili asked him with worry.

“With my grandfather in San Francisco...” Bilbo continued crying. “The situation is pretty bad..”

“Do you have a place to stay?” Kili asked with worry.

“I can’t ask so much of you!” Bilbo continued crying.

“Bilbo, this house is too big for us two anyway. I love it, it’s romantic and old... but it feels empty.” Kili confessed. “I’m alone too... and I’m going to be alone. There is more than enough room for you and the kids. Together we can work it out. I’ll help you. Beorn will help too.”

“Kili, it’s not that I’m poor...” Bilbo complained.

“I’m not poor either.” Kili reminded him. “As friends. I’m going to support you until you get your life back on track. Get the kids, sort out the legal situation. Because you do want to take them. You do want to give them a good home.”

“I’m not going to be able to repay you...” Bilbo continued crying.

“Call your lawyer.” Kili told him gently. “And let’s work it out together.”

\------

It took a few weeks, but finally with Kili’s support Bilbo took custody of the four kids. Gerontius was relieved that Bilbo made such a decision, and helped them as much as possible. The old man was happy that all the greedy and dishonest members of the family were away from the kids and their money. Gloin handled it perfectly, despite their father physically being alive, he was kept in a induced coma. So Bilbo was nominated their foster family, and together with Kili they returned to the house.

“You’re back!” Frodo ran from Beorn’s car to greet them.

Soon Merry clutched to Kili nervously.

“Don’t worry, I’m not letting you go.” Kili assured him. “Come and meet our family.”

Both boys gazed at the group of kids. Vinca and Pearl, the two oldest girls were teenagers. Pim was eleven, and Pip the youngest was eight.

“Hi!” Frodo smiled at the shy boy.

“Hi...” The boy replied in a shacking voice.

Merry gazed at the boy with a smile and waved.

The boy gazed at him surprised. “Are you deaf?” The boy asked. But Merry quickly shook his head.

“He can’t speak, but he can hear.” Frodo clarified.

“That’s cool!...” The boy blushed hearing his own words. “I mean it’s not cool you can’t speak, but it’s cool you can at least hear us!” He began blabbing, but Merry did not seem offended at all.

“Let me show you our room!” Frodo decided and pulled the boy along.

“Come inside girls!” Bilbo encouraged them to see the house.

\-----

The kids were still depressed from their tragedy, but the change of environment and location helped a lot. Pip soon was running around with Frodo and Merry, while the girls slowly began feeling at home.

Bilbo signed them up for the local school, admitting to himself and Kili, that he’s still not able to deal with all the problems on his own.

“You’re all welcome to stay as long as possible.” Kili kept assuring him. Merry was smiling more now as the two other boys were living there. The girls did not bother anyone, always trying to be helpful. If anything, this could be called family bliss, if not for the underlying past problems.

“Are you okay here?” Kili asked Vinca gently as he found the girl crying in the kitchen late in the evening.

“Yeah... it’s not the place... more like the circumstances. I just wish my parents were with us...” She cried.

“I know how that feels... I dreamt that my mother would come back... but what happens cannot be changed.” Kili gently told him.

“Thank you for taking us all in...” She admitted. “I’m happy uncle met someone so special like you...”

Kili looked at her puzzled. And suddenly the implication reached him. This was a sixteen year old, she assumed...

“We’re not together... we’re just friends.” Kili assured her gently. “Bilbo is dear to me, but only as a friend.”

“I thought...” She looked down sadly. “It feels just so good and safe here... We were hoping...”

“That it would last?” Kili asked her gently. “It will, because we chose so. Bilbo chose to take you all, and I chose to help him.”

“Thank you so much!” She continued crying, but some of the pain was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

When Thorin finally got the address it had been two horrible lonely months. He had no idea how he lost Bilbo and why. He was replaying it time after time, but learning that Bilbo moved out brought him down. Fili expressed a lot of concern, but nothing could amend the lost Thorin felt.

“So you got Bilbo’s address?” Fili asked looking at the note. “I’m coming with you.” He decided.

“What?” Thorin grimaced.

“You look like shit and you’re in no shape to drive.” Fili reminded him.

“Fine.” Thorin growled.

\------

After a long way, driving trough rural countryside, Fili was dead tired.

“We’d better find a motel and sleep....” He complained.

“I need to see him first.” Thorin insisted.

“Fine, have it your way...” Fili growled and took the turn, going deeper into the empty area.

They saw a beautiful huge old wooden house, but what made him certain they had the right house was the boy running not far away from the road.

“Isn’t that Fordo?” Thorin smiled.

“And Merry?” Fili asked seeing the mute blond behind the boy.

He stopped the car and got out.

“Uncle Thorin?” The small dark haired boy cried and ran towards Thorin.

“Hi, little rabbit!” Thorin lifted him.

“You haven’t visited in a long time.” The boy scolded him. “It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?”

“It certainly looks nice!” Thorin agreed quickly.

“Lunch!” A merry smiling dark haired girl called out.

“Coming!” The small dark haired boy cried back.

“Are you joining us for lunch?” Frodo asked with a huge smile.

“I’d love to.” Thorin told him. Soon he saw a worried Bilbo walk onto the front porch.

“Frodo, take the boys and go into the house.” Bilbo told them calmly.

“Yes, uncle!” Frodo grabbed their hands and led both boys to the house.

“How can I help you?” Bilbo asked slowly gazing at the last two people he wanted to see.

“Can we talk?” Thorin slowly asked him.

“After lunch.” Bilbo showed them in.

“Girls get two more plates, we’ve got guests!” He asked from the doorway.

“Yes, uncle!” A tall girl answered.

“Come inside.” Bilbo led them to the dining room.

“Meet Vinca and Pim, Pearl is in the kitchen. Oh and this is Pip!” He raised the small boy. “Kids these are old friends, Thorin and Fili.”

“Your name rhymes with Kili!” Pip shouted with realization.

“Indeed it does.” Bilbo agreed and brushed his wild curly hair.

As they sat down, and the kids were slowly laying the table, Kael showed up.

“Kili!” The tiny boy yelled and sat in his lap.

“Hi Pip!” Kili smiled at him, only to face Fillion and Thorin.

“I see we have guests today, It’s good to see you.” He told them slowly.

“It’s good to be here...” Thorin nodded.

As they began eating Fili was struck with the feeling of being pushed aside. The kids were chatting, all of them. The young boy extremely talkative, Merry signing all the time and the girls arguing about something. It was so different from what he was used to that he felt out of place and unwelcome.

“So how long are you staying?” Kili asked them casually, as if there was nothing special about their arrival.

“How long are we welcome to stay?” Fili whispered back to him.

“As long as you both like.” Kili assured him calmly.

“Kee Can you sing for us?” Vinca asked him suddenly breaking the heavy atmosphere.

“Come to think of it, why not have a camp fire and marshmallows as dessert?” Bilbo suggested, all the kids looked at him in wonder.

“That’s fantastic!” Pip agreed. “But what do marshmallows taste like?” He asked with an innocent grin.

“You never had marshmallows?” Kili asked in wonder.

“Come to think of it, I think I ever had marshmallows either.” Fili admitted.

“We never went camping.” Thorin pointed out.

“High time to try!” Bilbo laughed. “So let’s say in two hours we’ll start preparing the fire and Kili will sing while we cook them?”

“Sounds great!” Frodo smiled.

Soon the kids rushed to either their chores or to have fun in the garden.

Bilbo and Kili were left at the table with the two visitors.

“So now that we can talk, why are you both here?” Bilbo asked them slowly.

“I missed you.” Thorin told him honestly.

Bilbo gazed at Fili.

“He was in no condition to drive himself... and I wanted to see you.” His blue eyes rested on Kili.

“Do you have a new role for me?” Kili asked him.

“Nope... I’m taking a break.” Fili confessed with hope in his eyes.

“Fine...” Kili growled. “You can stay as long as you feel like it.”

Fili smiled at him happy, and without a word followed him upstairs.

“So this is your room?” Fili asked when Kili showed him into the modest bedroom, full of old style furniture.

“Yes.” Kili did not elaborate. “Now if you want to sleep alone this is your last chance to voice it, the house is pretty much full.”

“I didn’t seek you out to sleep alone.” Fili rasped.

Kili felt his knees go weak, the blond always had a huge influence on him.

“Then you better try to convince me not to get you a separate room.” He spoke in a low voice and Fili immediately responded. His lips pressed into his, their bodies colliding.

“I missed you...” Fili rasped against his lips as he was holding him tight.

“What took you so long?” Kili scolded him.

“It wasn’t easy to find you...” Fili kissed him again, gently tracing his hair.

Kili smiled into the kiss and held him close.

“As much as I love kissing you... I got a few things to do.” Kili told him.

“Like?” Fili growled disappointed a bit.

“Who do you think is going to chop the wood?” Kili laughed.

“I could try?” Fili suggested.

“Have you ever chopped wood?” Kili asked with a smile.

“Not really...” Fili looked down a bit ashamed.

“Just like you have never eaten marshmallows...” Kili scolded him. “I’m going to show you a few new things...”

Fili could only smile and kiss him again.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.” Kili embraced him and pulled him towards the yard.

Kili showed him the barn and surrounding buildings, into the field behind the house.

“So where are we going to do the fire?” Fili asked gazing around the well kept area.

“Over here!” Kili showed him behind the barn. There were several benches and a nice fireplace surrounded by rocks.

“I’d really like to chop wood.” Fili confessed.

“Come along then.” Kili told him calmly.

Soon the whole extended family showed up, Vinca carrying Kili’s guitar. Bilbo and Pearl had trays with food and drinks.

“Make yourself comfortable.” Bilbo asked Thorin with a smile.

“Why do you look so sour...” Thorin asked Fili.

“Chopping wood isn’t as easy as it looks.” Fili growled with disappointment.

“Here you go.” Bilbo handed them sticks with something white at the end. “Don’t put it in the fire.”

“Can I make some for Kili too?” Frodo asked immediately.

“Of course you may.” Bilbo prepared two more sticks. Soon all the kids were sitting around roasting marshmallows.

“Kee sing us that song again.” Pim demanded.

Kael with hesitation took the guitar, after checking if it was tuned he slowly began playing.

‘All alone as you look through the door

Nothing left to see

If it hurts and you can't take no more

Lay it all on me’ His voice sounded clear and deep.

Soon the kids were singing the chorus with him, and the two adults who never heard him sing were just sitting there with their mouths open.

“I forgot he played in High School Musical.” Fili whispered to Thorin.

“He can really sing.” Thorin admitted.

“He should record a CD.” Pearl added with a smile.

“We’ve been telling him ever since he sang for us for the first time.” Vinca added with a smirk.

“I’ve got enough money.” Kili grimaced.

“It’s not about the money, it’s about the fame.” Pim grinned.

“I don’t want fame.” Kili told her firmly.

“Well you already have it.” Fili reminded him.

“Over here it’s easy to forget about all that crap.” Kili hissed.

“Then why did you go into acting if you hate fame so much?” Thorin asked him gently.

“I had a different imagination of what it would be.” Kili admitted.

“It’s lonely.” Frodo told them.

“But you’re not lonely anymore.” Pip hugged both of them.

“With such a huge family, never.” Kili laughed and brushed both boys’ hair.


	11. Chapter 11

Fili was relieved when Kael extended his hand towards him later in the evening as the kids went to their rooms.

“Unless you changed your mind.” Kael whispered.

“Never.” Fili assured him.

“You have already twice.” Kili reminded him as they closed his bedroom door behind them.

“I was an idiot to think I can live without you.” Fili kissed him neck and pressed him tightly.

“We’ll see just how long this might last.” Kili whined and the tender trail of kissed ventured down his body.

“I’d like to stay forever...” Fili confessed taking off his clothes.

“As who?” Kael demanded.

“As anyone you will want me to be.” Fili kissed him impatiently.

\------

“Are you happy here?” Thorin asked Bilbo slowly as both of them were the last people up.

“Very much so.” Bilbo admitted with ease.

“Are you and Kili?” Thorin voiced the question he had in the back of his head.

“No. We’re just friends.” Bilbo assured him. “He helped me more than anyone else, he was there for me in the darkest days.”

“Why did you leave me?” Thorin asked him slowly.

“Sometime along the way, you stopped listening to me. Stopped thinking about me. When I needed your support the most, you began talking about that new hotel in Melbourne and my problems and my needs did not matter.” Bilbo told him. “At first I thought what was between us would lead to a life full of love. But I was just convenient. You dated others, you slept with others. And as time passed I realised I can’t live like that.”

Thorin did not even try to object, he knew he made mistakes. He tried to recall their last critical conversation. “So when you asked me, if I could stop travelling and if I could settle down, the answer would determine if you would be together?”

“I had to make a choice. Four kids, or you.” Bilbo told him firmly. “You’re an adult, you don’t really need me, so I picked them.”

Thorin inhaled deeply with pain. 

“You could have just said you needed more support.” Thorin told him with pain. “I would do a lot for you.”

“I never felt that.” Bilbo told him with a scowl. “I had a choice – a lover who wasn’t serious about me, and my family.”

“I’m sorry...” Thorin told him with tears in his eyes. “Come back please...”

“To what? To seeing you twenty or thirty days a year? To reading about your dates and affairs? To living at your cost in your homes, feeling worthless and lost?” Bilbo was grim. “I’m happy here, and I’m staying here.”

“Do you mind if I stay as well?” Thorin asked trying to be sensitive.

“Kili said you’re welcome to stay.” Bilbo reminded him.

“I’m asking you.” Thorin said slowly.

Bilbo gazed at him with pain. “You may stay. Goodnight.” Bilbo got up and went alone to his bedroom.

\------

Fili was hesitant as they went back to Kili’s bedroom. And Kili did nothing to ease his agitation. He went to bed as if he wasn’t there. He stood there puzzled for a moment.

“Turn off the light.” Kili’s voice startled him.

Fili quickly turned off the light and stumbling he got to the bed.

It felt awkward to just lay there.

“Tell me about why you became an actor.” Kili’s voice got him by surprise again.

“It was a coincidence really... Gandalf needed someone last minute so he asked me... and it just felt right. And as much as my uncle always hoped I would walk into his footsteps... acting became more important.” Fili explained.

“So why directing?” Kili mused. “You were a fascinating actor.”

“Directing seemed more creative and more... it was like I could shape reality.” Fili had no idea how to name it. “Why did you go into acting?”

“There was nothing else I felt good at...” Kili shrugged.

“You can sing great...” Fili pointed out.

“Maybe... but acting seemed easier and easier to attain.” Kili told him. “I was so desperate to get out of this small town I would do anything... and acting seemed easy, available and profitable.”

“You’re really talented.” Fili told him.

“My mom was a huge talent. She was really something. She managed to play only a few background roles, but she was great...” Kili told him.

“I don’t even remember my mother. She died when I was really small.” Fili told him.

“So it was only you and Thorin?” Kili was surprised.

“Yes.” Fili admitted. “What happened to your mom?”

“An accident.” Kili told him. “I was never told many details, but she was basically killed by a drunk driver.”

“I’m sorry.... Mine died of cancer.” Fili told him.

“You at least had an uncle...” Kili inhaled with pain.

“What happened to you?” Fili asked him gently.

“A state institution at first, later two foster home and finally Beorn.” Kili confessed.

Fili felt really sorry for him, suddenly a new emotion filled him. The need to take care of him. He had no idea what it would feel to be all alone and juggled from institutions and foster homes. Then he realised Kili was strong, immensely strong due to his upbringing. He came back to his foster father town, bought a home there. He was warm and carrying, adopting a mute boy.

He gently reached a brought Kili closer.

“Can I stay?” He asked gently.

“You’re welcome to stay.” Kili told him.

“Thank you!” Fili kissed him.


	12. Chapter 12

Fili adapted to the life there easily. Helping with the kids. Driving them to school, helping with school work. He was separated from most typical household duties most his life, so now he learnt new skills. Cleaning, cooking, chopping wood included. He woke up one day only to realise he had stayed there for over six weeks. Six weeks of comfort and ease. Full of happy nights, tender kisses and love.

But he clearly saw Thorin was suffocating. While Bilbo was easing his distance. Soon Thorin and Bilbo were back together, on entirely new grounds. Fili easily saw the demand, and Thorin took up the role of the father of the family. A very large family.

The kids slowly were easing down, four adults always there for them. The girls seemed happy, talking with enthusiasms about school and ordinary teenage problems. The younger boys bonded deeply, always together.

So when Thorin began talking of moving everyone was surprised. At first Bilbo seemed enthusiastic, but the worried glares he saw from the other kids stopped him from voicing his joy.

“We could move to Erebor Mansion in New York, you would go to good schools and have the best care.” Thorin told the kids.

“We want to stay here.” Pim stopped her foot.

“Erebor is nice, but I like it here better.” Frodo told him firmly.

“You can’t live with Kili in this small house forever.” Thorin told them stubbornly.

“This is our home... we lost one home and this is our new home...” Pip stood there with tears in his eyes.

“Dear kids... when Kili invited us to stay I always knew it would last only a while...” Bilbo confessed.

But the real shock was Merry. He ran up to Thorin with tears. But those were not tears of despair, but tears of anger.

He hit Thorin repeatedly in the chest.

“Merry...” Kili gently reached for him. “It’s not out decision to make.”

“No...” The hushed but angry word left the boy’s lips.

“No!” He repeated with strength finding his voice again.

“Merry...” Kili embraced him with emotion. “Even if they move away, they will always be your friends...” He assured him.

“I don’t want them to move...” Merry cried desperately. “They are my family...”

“Dear Boy....” Bilbo embraced both of them with emotion. “In that case we’ll just adopt or kidnap you both.” He smiled at the boy.

\------

Moving to the main mansion in New York was a strange experience for Kili, he barely got used to the big house. The mansion was filled with staff, and for Kili if felt strange and suffocating.

As soon as they came back both Fili and Thorin emerged back into work. As much as Thorin was trying to come back home for dinner, and he avoided any long business trips, for Fili it was more difficult.

Soon he engaged into a new project and Kili was pushed aside.

Merry was really happy to be with everyone, after all the not talking now he was hard to make quiet. The kids’ life settled on school and soon Kili felt even more alone.

“Nori, are there any interesting jobs?” He finally called his manager.

“You stop hiding in the woods?” Nori hissed.

“Yup... I’m in New York now, and I’m bored.” Kili complained.

“Give me a few hours.” Nori assured him.

\------

Fili blinked as he came home and not found Kili in bed. He spent the last two weeks rewriting the scenario for his new film, talking with some prospect actors and co-workers. He wanted to make it a huge surprise for Kili, but now as he was almost ready, Kili was not there.

He couldn’t sleep all night, and when he finally got up, he saw the kids going out to school. He wanted to yell at them asking where Kili was, but before he reached them they got into the car.

He spent another six hours reading the scenario again and again, making last changes and corrections. He waited impatiently for Kili hoping he would finally come back.

As the kids made it home later in the afternoon, Bilbo began heating dinner for everyone. Fili noticed they set the table for one person less. Somehow he felt stupid, everyone evidently knew where Kili was and they assumed he knew.

He sat there feeling alienated and pushed aside. He sat down to his laptop again and continued working on the scenario. He checked his e-mail and saw a first list of proposed locations. He looked at the photos and inhaled deeply gazing at the empty room and bed.

After a quick shower, he opened the wardrobe just to see it partially empty again. It took some effort to make space for Kili’s things in his wardrobe, but now a big part of his things were gone.

A knock startled him.

“Hey!” He showed Bilbo in.

“Have you finished work?” Bilbo asked him with a smile.

“Almost done.” Fili passed him the laptop.

“Just send it to my e-mail.” Bilbo told him. “Can I make a few suggestions for roles?”

“Shoot.” Fili nodded.

“Kili, Frodo and Pip.” Bilbo told him. “Pearl as Bella, and Vinca as Rose.”

“They have no experience.” Fili grimaced a bit.

“They have it in their blood.” Bilbo insisted.

“Fine, we’ll give them a try.” Fili gave in.

“When Kili comes back tell him to make time for Pim’s birthday.” Bilbo said and left, without any explanation.

\-----

Kili came back as suddenly as he left. He did not explain anything, just began washing all his clothes and repacking his bags.

As they went to bed together, Kili snuggled deep into his arms.

“I missed you.” Fili gently whispered.

“I missed you too.” Kili admitted and kissed him gently.

Five days later Kili was gone again. Without a word.

\------

Fili had to wait nearly three weeks for him to come back. Waiting finally for a chance to talk about his new project. As soon as Kili unpacked his things he put the scenario next to Kili’s bedside and waited.

But nothing happened. Kili did not talk about it at all, he didn’t even show he noticed it.

“So did you read it?” Fili finally broke down and asked one night.

“I didn’t have the time.” Kili just brushed it off.

“I’d really like you to read it.” Fili pleaded.

Kili gazed at the scenario again, he promised himself to keep some distance. At first he was so hurt by Fili whose work too over their life. Now he was content with what he got, time together when convenient, his career gaining even more momentum. A safe place to come back to and call home. It hurt a bit Fili pushed him aside, but Kili understood his passion for filmmaking. He did not understand why he had no place in it, but he wasn’t planning to bed.

“What for?” Kili just shrugged pretending not to care.

“I’d really like you to play a big role in it.” Fili begged in a desperate voice.

“For all professional reasons contact my manager.” Kili told him coldly. “I doubt there is any place in my schedule for another movie in the next three years.”

“What?” Fili’s eyes went wide hearing that.

“Private life and career should not be intertwined. I love you, but I’m not your slave.” Kili told him calmly.

“Where were you?” Fili finally managed to ask.

“Now you ask?” Kili mocked him. “I was busy. I’m surprised you even noticed since you were even more busy.”

“Of course I noticed!” Fili told him in an irritated voice. “Every night without you was hell...”

“Prepare for around 94 more nights like that this year.” Kili casually informed him.

“What?” Fili asked in a desperate tone.

“I got the lead role in a Tarantino movie.” Kili told him casually. “I’m going away for over three months.”

Fili gazed at him hurt more than ever. He gazed at Kili and immediately decided. “So where are we going?” He finally mumbled.

The smile on Kili’s face was priceless. “Arizona.”

“Arizona sounds fine.” Fili laid down next to him. “As long as we get air-conditioning!”

“Don’t worry I’m the star, I’ll get anything I want.” Kili assured him taking his hand tenderly. “Try not to take over the movie, Quentin seemed really eager to film it.”

“I have a few more scenarios to work on. I’ve got three years to set up work for you for the next ten.” Fili joked.

“I’d like to see you try! Nori has big plans!” Kili laughed feeling happy.

The End


End file.
